Why I Left You For Someone Else
You tell people it’s because you weren’t good enough; you didn’t have the money to take me to go see an actual NBA game. You didn’t have the car to bring me to places; oftentimes we would have to ride cabs to get to that expensive yogurt shop. But I loved those taxi rides. We got to meet new characters in the form of drivers; we lived their stories, and they lived ours.
Some assume it’s because I wasn’t good enough. We never had the same interests, save for basketball. And maybe that wasn’t enough to save the relationship. I couldn’t find it in myself to like the music that accompanies you in the shower every morning, nor can I tolerate, let alone appreciate, your Star Wars fandom. Until now I still don’t understand why Yoda is your spiritual guru. We would have more reason to hang out less, and next thing you know, we’re hanging out with other people.
Others suspected it’s because I wasn’t in love. I was never really upfront with my feelings. I never held your hand in public, much less ask you to bring me home. You never met my parents, and my older brother has always been iffy about you. I never let you carry my bag, and although I tried to flaunt your extravagant gifts, I probably did it to feel better about myself. I don’t remember. I try to forget.
And then there’s the select few who think it’s because I cheated on you. I spent my summer away, as you did yours. We took a break, met new people, and probably were attracted to some. I never really did anything that would be equal to cheating, but people didn’t know that. They just assumed and come senior year, I had that tainted face.
But the truth is, I was getting tired of the fighting over my sleeping patterns; it didn’t make sense to me that the most mundane things would bother you. I was getting tired of questioning our status every day; I mean, I never really knew if we were at all together, or if we have always been just friends from beginning to end.
You see, it wasn’t all good for me. Maybe the kisses were therapeutic, maybe the listening mattered. But the tears were too much, and I was beating myself up over the fact that you were never gonna tell me what I mean to you. The sleepless nights weren’t worth it, and so were my waking hours.
I left you because I loved someone else. I left you because I loved me.